Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
