you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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