yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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