I haven't been this sober since birth.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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