The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
