I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
