Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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