Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
