I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
