Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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