P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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