These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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