Cold hands, warm shart.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
