8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
