I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
