We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
