dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
