you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
