Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
