Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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