how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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