I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
the condom got lost in my hair
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize