How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
