feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
