Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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