we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
