I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
