someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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