every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
