oh god the rape fog is back!
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
