What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
