I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The feeling are messing with the penis
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
