$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Every concussion has its silver lining
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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