Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Randomize
