threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize