I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
