I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
