You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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