just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
