Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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