I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
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Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
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Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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