Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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