my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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