these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
