I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
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Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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