I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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