Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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