So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
