Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
