The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
whose ass print is on the piano?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
