just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
