I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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