dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
