Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he thought i was a dude.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
