Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
