This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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