Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
