there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
