She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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