I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
