Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
