I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
