im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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