she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
