I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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