WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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