sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
